Do I Have Biblical Grounds for Divorce?

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God has dropped the issue of Christians divorcing into my lap many, many times over the years. It started during high school with my own mother and father, and then one friend or acquaintance after another would confide in me that he or she was considering divorce and wanted to know what I, thought. My answer has always been straight from the Scriptures and has never wavered.

The issue has come up again after a conversation with an elder and a pastor of a church I recently visited, so I thought I’d pull out my outline and present it to the world.

I offer this as one of the presentations in my Speaking catalog.

 

What the Bible Says About Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage

Marriage

  1. What it is

    1. A covenant relationship (Malachi 2:14)

      • Made in blood: covenants typically ratified by cutting animal(s) in half and walking between the pieces (Jeremiah. 34:18,19; Hebrews 9:18-20) as if to say “May I be like these animals if I violate this agreement.”

      • Marriage is a covenant ratified in blood when marriage (of a virgin) is consummated in blood (Deuteronomy 22:13-17)

    2. Between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:23,24; Mark 10:6,7)

  2. Purpose (shamelessly lifted from Voddie Baucham)

    1. Procreation (Genesis 1:28, Malachi 2:15)

    2. Sanctification (Ephesians 5:26 in context)

    3. Illustration/Representation: a picture of Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:22ff, Revelation 19:7,8)

  3. How God views marriage

    1. Marriage is commanded to be held in honor by all (Hebrews 13:4)

    2. Violation of marriage covenant was a capital offense

      • Man found lying with married woman: Both shall die (Deuteronomy 22:22)

      • Contrast: If a man was found lying with unengaged virgin, the man must pay 50 shekels of silver and marry her (Deuteronomy 22:29)

Divorce

  1. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16)

    1. Expressly forbidden, without exception (Matthew 19:6, Mark 10:9, 1 Corinthians 7:10,11b,27a)
      N.B.: Matthew 19:9 will be handled in the section on Remarriage

    2. Not even allowed if married to an unbeliever (1 Corinthians 7:12,13: note the emphatic must not in the text)

    3. Taking other believers to court censured (1 Corinthians 6:1-11)

  2. It is a violation of a vow made “until death do us part”

    1. God does not look favorably upon those who break their vows (Deuteronomy 23:21)

    2. Better not to vow at all rather than to vow and break and reneg (Ecclesiastes. 5:4,5; Matthew 5:33-37; James 5:12)

  3. What about God issuing a certificate of divorce to Israel in Jeremiah 3:8?

    1. God issued writ of divorce with a call to confession (Jeremiah 3:13) and an offer of restoration (Jeremiah 3:12).
      Who among us today follows this example when seeking to divorce a spouse?

    2. If this is an example for us, are we then to marry two sisters (Jeremiah 31:31,32; Ezekiel 16:32) and in so doing, violate Leviticus 18:18?

    3. The real question is not “Why did God issue a writ of divorce to Israel?” but rather “Why didn’t God do the same to Judah who was actually worse than both Israel and Sodom?” (Ezekiel 16:51,52)

Remarriage

  1. Divorcing spouse and marrying another is adultery (Mark 10:11,12; Luke 16:18a; Romans 7:3)

  2. Marrying a divorcée is adultery (Matthew 5:32b; Mark 10:12; Luke 16:18b)

  3. What about unfaithfulness/adultery?

    1. Problems with citing the “Exception clause” (Matthew 5:32, 19:9)

      1. Contextual problem: these are not divorce verses—they concern remarriage and cannot be used to justify divorce.

      2. Grammatical problem: ‘Unchastity” (KJV: “fornication”) ≠ “adultery” (“unchastity” is πορνεία; “commit adultery” = μοιχεύω and μοιχάω). The former can be any illicit sex, but the latter is explicitly sexual intercourse with another man’s wife. A distinction is made, therefore, between the condition and the consequence. If “unchastity” means “adultery” remarriage cannot make the wayward spouse an adulterer upon remarriage for he or she already is an adulterer.

      3. This “exception clause” only occurs in Matthew (not in Mark or Luke). Why?

      4. Premise: There are no accidents in Scripture (2 Tim. 3:16)

      5. QUESTIONS to ponder when considering the intent of the “exception clause”:

        1. To whom was the book of Matthew written, and why?

        2. To the Jews to prove that Jesus is the promised Messiah

          • Jesus’ genealogy goes back to Abraham

          • More OT quotes than any other gospel (62x)

          • Does not explain Jewish culture/rituals (e.g. Mark 7:3; John 19:40)

        3. If Joseph and Mary were only betrothed to one another, how could he “divorce her quietly” (Matthew 1:18,19)?

        4. Why is a man who rapes an engaged woman sentenced to die (Deuteronomy 22:25) while the same act committed against an unengaged virgin is only punished by a fine (Deuteronomy 22:28,29)?

        5. Why does consensual sex with a married woman carry the penalty of death for both parties (Deuteronomy 22:22)?

      6. ANSWER: Traditional Jewish marriages are not the same as Western marriages. They took place in three steps:

        1. Betrothal: 1-2 years (<= 12 months for maidens) called the erusin or qiddushin during which time the woman is called the man’s “wife” (Deuteronomy 22:23,24; Matthew 1:24,25). This is done by both sets of parents in the absence of the bride and groom. [election, salvation]

        2. Wife is taken from her father’s house to the house of the groom or the groom’s father (Matthew 25:1-8) where the marriage was consummated that very night. [rapture]

        3. Multi-day marriage supper [marriage supper of the lamb: Revelation 19:9]

      7. The Jews to whom Matthew wrote his gospel would have understood, given their cultural context, that divorce was not permitted after the consummation of the marriage—the prescription for infidelity after that point would be death.

  4. Can divorced couple restore marriage if one has remarried and then that marriage is dissolved via divorce or death?
    - No: Deuteronomy 24:1-4 precludes this.

Biblical Options Available to the Divorcée

  1. From what I see in Scripture, there are only two, found in 1 Corinthians 7:11

    1. Reconcile with husband, or

    2. Remain unmarried.

      • If spouse remarries, that leaves but one option until he/she dies: honor the vows made before the Lord God and remain unmarried.

  2. Views I do not hold

    1. If estranged spouse remarries, the unmarried divorcée is free to divorce since the remarried partner is effectively “dead”—restoration of the marriage is impossible due (Deuteronomy 24:1-4)

      Why?

      • Wedding vows are made “til death do us part”

      • God saved me not because I’m a good guy, but because He was pleased to do so; it has nothing to do with me. Likewise, my commitment to my wife has nothing to do with her—not with how she looks nor how she behaves. God expects our marriages to reflect Christ’s unconditional love for His bride, the Church (Hebrews 13:5, 2 Timothy 2:13).

      • It would violate my conscience

Handling non-essential issues

  1. Don’t shout where the Scriptures only whisper

  2. “Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.” (Romans 14:4)

  3. Be considerate (Romans 14:21)

  4. Be convinced (Romans 14:22)

  5. Be consistent (Romans 14:23)


MarriageDan Kreft2 Comments